And then, I decided to heal. And so I did.

I got my Autoimmune Thyroid (Hashimotos) diagnosis in 2012. I began researching, tracking every symptom, crying, being happy to make progress, crying again I didn’t make as much progress as I thought, shifting, learning, growing, changing who I was and how I ate.

I always thought I was in "healing mode" but I actually think I was in survival mode. I was trying to grasp my situation and learn about my symptoms (while also being in extreme pain and an exhausted state.) Dealing with my new found anxiety and depression, stomach pains, and daily headaches.

The hardest part wasn’t the symptoms, but the psychological aspect.  Understanding why my body "hated me". (It doesn’t by the way... turns out your body loves you so much, it's trying to always heal). And also dealing with the social aspects of cutting out beer, gluten, and dairy. Being "different". Trying new "weird" holistic practices. Accepting a new identity and letting go of the person I thought I was.

Then at some point, I turned a corner. Not sure when, but I told myself I was ready to heal. I told myself that I was healthy and I wasn't sick.  I started enjoying cooking differently and stopped seeing it as a burden. I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  I stopped tracking symptoms. I have a long way to go to feeling great 100% but I can tell you something changed in my body when I decided I was gonna heal from this. In fact, I told myself I already WAS healthy.

I'm definitely over the hump. Sometimes I forget how bad I really was (and yes, I know there are so many people sicker than I was). But I no longer think of myself as "sick" anymore.  When I get a migraine or a bad symptom, I don't immediately think I'm spiraling backwards anymore. I am better at accepting it is part of the process and moving on with it. I accept that I may have to prepare more than others and be "high maintenance".

I truly am grateful for this journey I've been on and to come out the other side. It's brought me to places I never thought I would go (like farmers markets and the kale aisle. jk). Thankful to my 2012 self that never gave up and questioned it all.

Mindset really makes a difference. You will know when it's time to REALLY heal.